Growing up I kept inconsistent journals and diaries and as we evolved in to the tech era notes (in my phone). I’ve also kept online Journals as well. I’ve always had fear of someone finding, reading my private deepest thoughts so I scattered them about a little here and little there. I thought I would share with you some of my past notes, these aren’t edited I kept them as is from the different phones. It’s still so ironic to now want to share every part of my mind, my thoughts, and soul. Actually thats not true I’ve always had a want to share my story but a fear of judgment. Now with that fading enjoy some pieces collecting dust in my phones.. That note was left on my computer by my best friend from HS in 2010.
P.S. If you want the password just ask..
November 10, 2011
I’m so scared of dying I’m not living
I’m so scared of falling I’m not flying
I’m so scared of crying I refuse to smile..
August 4, 2011
Alright here is my attempt to write the unwritable speak the unspeakable and do the impossible. It began as all else begins a simple curiosity a need to know more about someone. As humans we crave relationships not just love and sexual but friendly as well. We get off on meeting new people and discovering their past wanting to be a part of their future and enjoying their present. So I sat there figuring out how I would find you, a simple email wouldn’t give me everything I wanted to know neither would a phone call. It would take more, it would take an intro quite sneaky plan.I tend to be impulsive, and didn’t want to be obvious..
June 18, 2011
I’d be lying if I say there was no jealousy anxiety or anticipation when deciding we had found her and it was time to ask her to join our circle of love but i’d also be lying if I said excitement lust and pure passion didn’t overshadow those feelings.. See my hearts mind was made from the moment I knew of her existence.. I was intrigued and when I laid eyes on her it was conformation the Universe had brought us together got a reason.. I couldn’t court her as I would other females she was special, she is special.. I would have to approach with caution as to not scare my goddess away.. As I got to know more of her the more I grew fonder, I felt the impatience kicking in. Then she became my friend now what was I to do betray those clear drawn lines of friendship for one night of lust? No I could never I wouldn’t trade her in forever for one night of her stolen virginity..
February 20, 2016
Here’s the real me.. All of me,, Take it or leave it at least I’m FREE..
November 5, 2015
It’s the memory behind the camera.. The emotions surrounding the picture.. The love blooming away from the flash.. Thats’s what they’ll never see and we’ll always know..
Black and white thinking has me conditioned to believe you either loved me or used me.. Some day what we had was beautiful others it was hell..
I never gave you the best parts of me..
You went searching for our love with everyone you laid with after.. Realizing you weren’t searching for our love, our sex, our connection.. You were searching for me..