I wake up wanting to have those conversations, the ones where we go over every detail of us.  I want to hear the things I didn’t know the truth.  I want to feel the intentions not the actions that were taken.  I want to know if I wasn’t good enough, because often times I feel like this little girl wanting your approval.  Living my whole life in hopes of changing something that could never really be changed.  I just want to see myself through your eyes.   These emotions always fleeting, as the woman in me awakes and I realize I am strong enough, I am good enough, and I am happy with me.  Wanting to relive you in hopes of conquering the chaos this time, putting it to bed.  I forgave myself once, and you too.  I moved on and let you go, and it felt incredible my life was great.  Like an addict I relapsed emotionally somewhere,  opening up old wounds  and instead of wanting to heal them this time I keep picking the scabs.  Knowing they’ll leave a mark.  This time opening them up in hopes of inspiring a creative outlet.  Trying to find a balance of Fantasy and reality.  Learning to turn it on and off without falling for you all over again.  Reminding myself I created this image of you, I don’t know who you are today nor do you know me.  We couldn’t go back to those stolen kisses and secret moments.  The levels of depth we reached at the time were satisfying; today it probably wouldn’t be enough,  I need more my soul needs to connect deeper than my body.  The girl in me use to settle for what she could get, the woman in me knows what she deserves.


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